Healing Laughter Podcast – elevated aura

#053: Breaking Generational Trauma & What I Want My Children to Know – Healing Laughter

Aloha, Namaste, and welcome back to the Healing Laughter podcast. This is the show where we talk about all things related to self-love, trauma recovery, manifestation, spirituality, the power of positive affirmations, healing water, astrology, and soul much more. I’m your host Katie Utterback. I’m an ICF-certified spiritual life coach, a western tropical astrologer, breathwork practitioner, proud mama, and wannabe mermaid. Today on the show I wanted to talk about motherhood. That’s the reason I’ve had to step away from this podcast for most of 2023. I’m recording this at the end of August and my husband and I are expecting our daughter to arrive Earth-side, really any day now. This little coconut is our first human baby, if you’ve been around for a while you know I have a fur baby, who is now four years old. And while everyone has been telling me that having a human baby is an experience, a love unlike anything else, in all honesty I felt myself step up into a more maternal role when we adopted our fur baby Jagger in 2019. So I'm really not sure what to expect or how I will feel. When I went no contact, I wasn’t just thinking about the wellness of my future human children – I was thinking about my fur babies too. So that’s the energy I’m kind of coming from when I say I don’t know how much deeper I can step into becoming the Mother archetype. I feel like I already am her, but then again, we’ll see what happens when my Baby Girl arrives in the next few weeks or so how I feel about the love I have for my fur baby compared to my human baby. So far the only thing that seems different is what I want to teach my daughter vs what I want to teach Jagger. But I’ve also noticed a lot of similarities – namely that i want both of them to know how much their Daddy and I love them, how important they are, how loved they are, how special they are, how smart they are, how perfect they are. It’s so different from how I was brought up and I’m proud of that. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say when I first meet her and I’m worried about what my face will look like. I hope I’m smiling, I hope she doesn’t think I’m criticizing her appearance the first time we look into each other's eyes. I hope I remember to say something loving to her when she hears my voice for the first time Earth-side. And as I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to my Baby Girl, not just that first time we meet, but every day, my mind has been flooded with phrases I heard as a child that I never want her or any of my children – human or fur – to hear. Things like: I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it. Abuse?! You think that’s abuse?! I’ll show you child abuse. The people who love you the most will treat you the worst when they need your love the most If you eat that it will go straight from your lips to your hips. You need to have more confidence – you look like a turtle. This was said to me by the way when I was in middle school, right before I got on the bus to school. You’re embarrassing me. I’m sorry you got your Dad’s farmer arms and thicker body type and your sister got my slender physique You have mental issues. Can you not be so obviously uncomfortable around the child predator? You’re making everyone else uncomfortable Blood is thicker than water If you’re open to sharing, let me know what kind of messages you tell your kids everyday – human or fur – and what the first thing you said to your newborn was, and what kind of messaging or parenting techniques you’re working to leave behind.

Aloha and welcome to Healing Laughter. My name is Katie Utterback, CLC, I’m a certified life coach specializing in helping others recover from narcissistic abuse. Specifically I work with those survivors of narcissistic abuse and other toxic relationships and I teach people about self-love and how to incorporate other healthy behaviors in their life.

Before we dive deep into narcissism, inner-child healing, hoovers, codependency, and more, I wanted to share with you why I’m starting this podcast.

When I first started suspecting I had a family member who was a possible narcissist, I wasn’t just in denial about the extremity of their behavior, and the callousness of their treatment for others, but I was desperate to hear real-life stories from real people about how they figured out their loved one was a narcissist AND how it went. I really didn’t need any more articles outlining the signs and symptoms, I wanted to know what the fuck happened that made you realize your loved one was a narcissist?

And I wanted to know beyond the discovery phase. I wanted to know what the consequences were after you figured out someone was a narcissist. Like did their family member wake up and realize what a jackass they had been? How hurtful and damaging their words and actions were? Were these people even as close as I believed I was to my parents and siblings?

These were all real questions and blocks that I had around the acceptance that narcissism existed in my family of origin. And it took me longer than I would have liked to accept that there were multiple people in my family of origin struggling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Even once I knew narcissism existed, I still fought it.

One thing that has always saved me in a sense is laughter, comedy. I remember being a kid and hearing stories about comedians like Robin Williams and Chris Farley and Ellen DeGeneres that had gone through something traumatic and instead of allowing that trauma to make them bitter, they used their comedy to bring a sense of lightness and hope into the world.

And that’s what Healing Laughter is all about. We’re going to be discussing narcissism, but I know like you know, that just because narcissism has affected your life, doesn’t mean that that’s all you want to hear about or think about or talk about. But at the same time, when you have experienced narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, or psychological abuse, your life is affected in many ways. You may experience triggers, may have issues with food, relationships, self-esteem, etc. So I want to talk about all of this with you but sometimes I’ll be doing it through a semi-humorous lens because laughter is the best medicine.