I was recently quoted in an article highlighting the difference between how someone who is self-centered acts compared to someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For the full article, click here.
While we throw around the term “narcissist” in pop culture as a way to identify someone who is maybe selfish, self-centered, or self-absorbed, that’s actually not the proper use of the term.
A narcissist is someone who is completely incapable of empathy or introspection and it’s one of the psychological personality disorders
In other words, while someone who is selfish, self-centered, or self-absorbed may talk about themselves too much or forget things that are important to you, the key difference is this:
When you explain to a narcissist that your feelings were hurt or they let you down in some capacity, the narcissist will not apologize. If they do, the apology will sound something like “well, I’m sorry but you made me…” Or if they apologize in a seemingly convincing way “oh baby, I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again,” they are love-bombing and it’s a way for the narcissist to see if they still have control over their target. So in the end, their actions don’t match their words and they end up doing exactly what they said they wouldn’t do.
A healthy person without Narcissistic Personality Disorder will learn that they hurt someone’s feelings and the actions match the promise in the apology.
So really the difference is the ability to change their behavior – to remove the toxic fleas or habits that we may have picked up. A narcissist will be incapable of change, while those who are selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed have the choice to shed that ego-driven mindset.