Whether it’s your first Mother’s Day no contact from your narcissistic mother or if it’s your 50th, Mother’s Day can still feel triggering because it’s unnatural to separate from our loved ones.
It’s unnatural for a child to be rejected by its caregivers, especially their mother.
But for targets of abuse in dysfunctional families, the scapegoat, blacksheep, the girls who were always too much/not enough, this day can continue to haunt us because that was our exact experience. Rejection from our mother.
And on days like Mothers Day, it can make us feel ashamed, guilty, fearful, angry, sad that we don’t have a healthy, loving relationship with mom, like everyone else around us seems to have.
The best way to handle these triggering days?
Come up with a plan. And I have a few tips for you that have helped me immensely on my healing journey from familial narcissistic abuse that I wanted to share with you:
1. Come up with a plan for social media.
If you’re planning to use social media in the days before, during or after Mother’s Day, consider muting some words like “Mothers Day” “Mommy” or “Mama.” Mother’s Day posts usually start around Friday/Saturday of Mothers Day weekend and will continue until Monday-Tuesday following Mother’s Day. And I’m not just talking about new posts – I’m talking about the delay in seeing posts that are 2-3 days old by the social media formula they’re using.
2. Come up with a plan for what you’re doing on Mother’s Day specifically.
This day can start to feel weird and the guilt can compound if we see a bunch of mothers and families out celebrating together. So come up with a plan to stay busy to eliminate or reduce the likelihood you reach out to mom due to boredom/guilt/fear of being alone.
Most of the time, targets of abuse regret these check-in calls within minutes because the abuse usually picks up right where they left off. So schedule a lot of activities for yourself like watching your favorite movie, ordering takeout, dancing to music, arts and crafts, or whatever interests you most.
3. Write Yourself A Letter
If this is your first Mother’s Day no contact, or separated from a toxic mom, consider writing yourself a letter, outlining what your plan is for the day, as well as all of the reasons why you’ve decided to go no contact, not call on Mothers Day, set boundaries, etc.
And if it helps, write down some of the rotten things your abuser did to you to help remind you of why your boundaries are not worth sacrificing and why you deserve healthy relationships.
If you would like to work with me 1:1 you can schedule a call with me here.
I also offer an online course via Teachable: Self Love After Narcissistic Abuse and Other Toxic Relationships