Have You Seen “This is Paris” the New Paris Hilton Documentary?
The first time I heard of Paris Hilton was in the early 2000s. This was back when she was known for her catchphrase “that’s hot” and made toy sized-dogs THE accessory for all women to carry in their over-sized purses. I semi-followed Paris’ career by watching “The Simple Life” and was honestly enamored with her.
She was blonde. I was blonde.
She was beautiful and desired. I wanted to be beautiful and desired.
She was fashionable. I wanted to be viewed as fashionable.
She may not have known what Wal-Mart was and I hated Wal-Mart for political reasons.
When she was an airhead, people didn’t seem to mind. So I started trying it out. I tried being the dumb blonde – acting like I didn’t really notice what was going on around me. But after a while the heiress that parties all night got old for me. Her friend circle seemed to change almost daily and the heroes of my childhood like Britney Spears seemed to go under some sort of “What the hell happened” spell after they would be photographed out with Paris.
I pretty much forgot all about Paris Hilton until I started watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
It turns out the star of the series – Kyle Richards – is the aunt of Paris Hilton. Kyle is literally Paris’ mom Kathy Hilton’s younger sister. When I first heard Paris’ name mentioned on RHOBH, I was shocked and a little irritated. Kyle would talk so highly about Paris – how sweet and kind she was – yet the description didn’t match the Paris I believed I knew through the tabloids and my TV.
So when I learned that there was a new Paris Hilton documentary in which Paris was sharing, my heart sank. Between watching the Real Housewives and my own experience with surviving abuse, I knew before I watched the documentary Paris had suffered emotional abuse if not additional types of abuse.
I knew because the same thing happened to me. And there are glimpses of emotional abuse – possibly narcissistic abuse – on RHOBH as well.
So flash forward to 2020 and Paris Hilton has a new documentary “This is Paris.”
It turns out the point of this whole show was to highlight how Paris is not an airhead and is actually a badass boss babe who has like 19+ companies.
The most illuminating part of the documentary for me was how isolated Paris felt because of her trauma. She still has nightmares that keep her awake all night, yet she has a quality that many emotional abuse survivors share: she does anything and everything in her power to be kind to others no matter how hard or far she is pushed.
Paris never wanted anyone to experience the pain, the invalidation she experienced. And to this day she doesn’t know how to fully open up to others because of that trauma.
And it makes sense. Her parents literally signed up her to be kidnapped by two adult men from her childhood home as a teenager. As Paris screamed for help, begging for someone to tell her what was going on, all she saw was her parents standing there crying. No explanation, no apologies.
When they interviewed Paris’ mom (her dad refused to be interviewed) and her sister Nicky Hilton Rothschild, you see how abusers blur the line between tough love and abuse. When Paris is talking to her sister about the night she was kidnapped, Nicky tells Paris she remembers the bloody-murder screams from that night. She remembers Paris’ absence from the breakfast table, and she remembers her parents saying Paris went to boarding school.
So while Paris is sitting there traumatized, pouring her heart out to the camera, saying now I have enough evidence my parents have no choice but to believe me, her sister’s viewpoint is: well, when are you going to apologize to mom and dad for your behavior?
Paris’ mom Kathy Hilton similarly smirks when she’s asked if Paris had ever told her about being put in solitary confinement for 20+ hours. She plays as if she had never heard her child had been locked away in a torture chamber for nearly 24 hours, yet her smile gives her away.
This is why emotional abuse is particularly insidious because we can’t see it. When we experience physical or even sexual abuse, it’s incredibly traumatic and we have a physical representation of that pain.
Emotional abuse is different in that not many people will believe you. Your cries for help are often met with statements that make you question your reality such as:
- “Really? But so-and-so is so nice”
- “Are you sure we’re talking about the same person?”
- “Maybe you misinterpreted what they meant.”
One thing that’s brought up during the show is the memory blocks – struggling to remember entire chunks of our lives and the hypervigilance that follows abuse. And how important sharing your story is.
When you share your story, you feel seen, you feel validated, you feel stronger than your abuser, stronger than your trauma.
It’s a life-changing feeling of empowerment that everyone deserves.
You are stronger than your trauma.
You are braver than you know.
If you need someone to listen to you, I’d be honored to be that person.
Together let’s #BreakTheCodeOfSilence
If you suspect you may have experienced emotional abuse, you are not alone. Schedule a FREE consultation with me: katie@elevatedaura.com