Episode #024: Gratitude + The Spirit of Thanksgiving

#053: Breaking Generational Trauma & What I Want My Children to Know – Healing Laughter

Aloha, Namaste, and welcome back to the Healing Laughter podcast. This is the show where we talk about all things related to self-love, trauma recovery, manifestation, spirituality, the power of positive affirmations, healing water, astrology, and soul much more. I’m your host Katie Utterback. I’m an ICF-certified spiritual life coach, a western tropical astrologer, breathwork practitioner, proud mama, and wannabe mermaid. Today on the show I wanted to talk about motherhood. That’s the reason I’ve had to step away from this podcast for most of 2023. I’m recording this at the end of August and my husband and I are expecting our daughter to arrive Earth-side, really any day now. This little coconut is our first human baby, if you’ve been around for a while you know I have a fur baby, who is now four years old. And while everyone has been telling me that having a human baby is an experience, a love unlike anything else, in all honesty I felt myself step up into a more maternal role when we adopted our fur baby Jagger in 2019. So I'm really not sure what to expect or how I will feel. When I went no contact, I wasn’t just thinking about the wellness of my future human children – I was thinking about my fur babies too. So that’s the energy I’m kind of coming from when I say I don’t know how much deeper I can step into becoming the Mother archetype. I feel like I already am her, but then again, we’ll see what happens when my Baby Girl arrives in the next few weeks or so how I feel about the love I have for my fur baby compared to my human baby. So far the only thing that seems different is what I want to teach my daughter vs what I want to teach Jagger. But I’ve also noticed a lot of similarities – namely that i want both of them to know how much their Daddy and I love them, how important they are, how loved they are, how special they are, how smart they are, how perfect they are. It’s so different from how I was brought up and I’m proud of that. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say when I first meet her and I’m worried about what my face will look like. I hope I’m smiling, I hope she doesn’t think I’m criticizing her appearance the first time we look into each other's eyes. I hope I remember to say something loving to her when she hears my voice for the first time Earth-side. And as I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to my Baby Girl, not just that first time we meet, but every day, my mind has been flooded with phrases I heard as a child that I never want her or any of my children – human or fur – to hear. Things like: I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it. Abuse?! You think that’s abuse?! I’ll show you child abuse. The people who love you the most will treat you the worst when they need your love the most If you eat that it will go straight from your lips to your hips. You need to have more confidence – you look like a turtle. This was said to me by the way when I was in middle school, right before I got on the bus to school. You’re embarrassing me. I’m sorry you got your Dad’s farmer arms and thicker body type and your sister got my slender physique You have mental issues. Can you not be so obviously uncomfortable around the child predator? You’re making everyone else uncomfortable Blood is thicker than water If you’re open to sharing, let me know what kind of messages you tell your kids everyday – human or fur – and what the first thing you said to your newborn was, and what kind of messaging or parenting techniques you’re working to leave behind.

Thanksgiving is this week and I can feel myself start to feel the familiar feelings of fear, obligation and guilt for going no-contact with my dysfunctional family of origin. Instead of panicking that I am estranged or wondering how others may be judging me, I took the time to sit with myself and I realized that what my inner child needed was fun.

She needed to know that we were still going to celebrate Thanksgiving and that there was going to be food, fun and family, so I went on Pinterest. I looked at all of the pink, rainbow, and ocean-inspired Thanksgiving décor. I dreamed about what it would be like to throw a beautiful dinner for friends and family at our home in our backyard. And once I started dreaming about all of the possibilities, I started to feel far less guilty, far less shame for being an estranged adult child of narcissistic parents and a narcissistic psychopathic sibling.

I’ve also changed my perception of this week to one of Gratitude. Instead of family and forgiveness themes, I’m working to be conscious this week of everything in my life to be grateful for. All of the blessings that constantly and consistently flow my way.

And while I was writing what I’m thankful and grateful for, I heard an energy report that shared this 2021 Thanksgiving has an energetic connection to 2014. Meaning whatever was happening around Thanksgiving in 2014, that thing you were trying to manifest, dream about, were worrying about? Yeah, there’s likely synchronicities that exist in your life right now because of whatever you were dreaming about in 2014.

For me, in 2014, I was dreaming about my now-husband. We had just met on Tinder the month prior and we were falling hard for one another. So when I was texting him on Thanksgiving in 2014 – even though we had never met, I wondered what it would be like to be in his arms on the couch after eating too much turkey. I wondered what it would be like to be surrounded by his family and friends after we finished dessert. Would anyone be open to Black Friday shopping deals? Would we watch a movie? Sing karaoke?

The possibilities and dreams seemed endless. All I knew is that I wanted more than to just sit at the kitchen table with my mom because everyone else had gone on to do what they wanted to do. I felt almost forced to make sure mom was alright, but that was never reciprocated, which is why I’m allowing myself to enjoy ALL the BLESSINGS as well as to learn from all those whose actions and words taught me how I didn’t want to be.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? How has your perception of Thanksgiving celebrations changed since going no contact? Send me a message and let me know!