If you find yourself dreading spending the holidays with your family of origin because you always leave feeling bad about yourself, or perhaps you find yourself binge drinking to the point you blackout during family holiday get togethers, I have something to tell you that may blow your mind:
You are under no obligation to attend any family party, holiday dinner or event.
It is not a requirement to go to to your parents house every Thanksgiving or every holiday, birthday, anniversary, graduation, etc in order to be loved.
But for many Americans who are raised in toxic, dysfunctional households, riddled with narcissism and generational trauma, it doesn’t feel like a choice because your parent may have told you if you don’t show up, you are no longer their child.
I’ve heard that one before.
I’ve also heard, I’ve done so much for you, I’ve sacrificed so much for you, all I’m asking is for this one thing…
But it’s never one thing is it?
Thanksgiving is next week. Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, are all around the corner. But for nearly 1 in 4 Americans, this holiday season is not the family festive time of year you may have been culturally led to believe it is.
That’s because 1 in 4 Americans is estranged from a family member, parents and siblings are the most common types of estrangement.
For those raised in dysfunctional homes by emotionally immature, narcissistic parents, the holiday season is hoover season.
A time when our dysfunctional toxic relatives seemingly come out of the woodwork, looking to convince us they changed, things will be different.
But the heartbreaking reality is that narcissistic parents especially only reach out because they are more concerned with how it makes them look when you’re not there; it has nothing to do with your feelings or trying to repair the relationship.
This is your reminder. If your plan was to stay no contact this holiday season, you are safe, you are loved, you are enough, you are not doing anything wrong, and I love you.
If you’re thinking about reaching out, all the power to you. Just remember that spending one holiday with a toxic person won’t convince them to treat you better the rest of the year❤️